Chris Cornell's Passing: How it Affects the Youth of the '90s Alternative Generation

I spent some time with good friends and family this past weekend, and we started talking about the recent passing of Chris Cornell. I didn't realize how much this beautiful man touched each of us in different ways, being he was an idol that was looked up to for many years, or someone who's musical impact affected us on a deeper level.

My brother was a huge Soundgarden and Audioslave fan, and when I heard of Chris' passing, I texted my brother right away. He sent me a text later that day that just said "I'm devastated." I was sad for him, because I knew his death impacted him in an emotional way, as it does when you hear of a person you were once friend's with who dies young. It's like a piece of your childhood has died.

When we lived in the burbs for the first time in the mid 90s, and we had to take the same school bus (I was in high school and my brother in middle school) I remember being annoyed in the mornings because my brother, Steven, and his best friend, Vince, would take their boom box on the bus and blast Soundgarden. I liked the music, but I didn't want to hear "Spoonman" blasting throughout the school bus at 6:30 in the morning! I look back at this now as a fond memory, of my brother discovering a type of musical genre he learned to love, just as I did during that same time, which is '90s alternative.

One of the things I loved to do every day when I was a teenager was lock my bedroom door and blast The Cranberries, Smashing Pumpkins, Green Day, Soundgarden, Nirvana, The Offspring, Veruca Salt, and a variety of other grunge-alternative bands from my little Sony boom box. My mom eventually caught on and caved-in to my "depressing taste in music" as she would call it, and bought me for my birthday during my freshman year in high school The Cranberries "No Need to Argue" CD. "Zombie" was my jam back then, and I didn't know the lyrics I was singing, but it was something about Dolores O'Riordan's voice that resonated with me, her being a strong Irish woman like me, and all. Also, the entire album, along with her other hits like "Linger" and "Dreams" define my teen years of love and angst, trying to figure out where I fit in the world. My first concert was The Cranberries, and me and my best friend had our parents drive us an hour each way so we could fulfill our love of alternative music.

The Smashing Pumpkins, another band I will love till the day I die, was also discussed this past weekend with a friend of mine. We just realized our common "Pumpkins-Billy Corgan-Obsession" and it was one of those light bulb moments, like "Aha! That's why I like you!". We both have never seen them in concert, but we have the same reasons and memories about why we like them. I wore the hell out of my Siamese Dream CD, and when my mom asked me for my fifteenth birthday what I would like as a gift, and I told her "Melon Collie and The Infinite Sadness," and she just looked at me funny and asked, "Now, is there something I should be worried about here?".

The Cranberries and Smashing Pumpkins influenced my teen years just as Soundgarden influenced my brother's childhood. I have always been a fan of Soundgarden, and when I heard Chris Cornell was on his solo tour last year, I knew I had to see him. I went with another friend of mine who is a long-time Cornell fan, and we saw him at Ravinia in July 2016. The depth of his voice gave me chills, and he sang a lot of his hits from Soundgarden and Audioslave. It was more of an intimate setting, and I was happy to see his funny, charismatic side, that I don't think he showed during his Soundgarden performances. I felt like I got to know him as a man that evening, and was in awe of him after his performance.

When I found out he died, I was also devastated. I think what really hit me was the fact that he was so young, and so God damn talented, but he had his demons, just like all artists do. The '90s alternative generation lost a lot of big influences to drugs, and a lot of them used those drugs to self-medicate their pain. Sadly, mental illness is still ignored in this country. My hope, if anything, is that Cornell's death sends a message that you can't just ignore and throw pills at a problem.

I cried off and on the day of Cornell's passing, and I'm still hesitant to listen to his music. Call it being still in shock, call it denial. But, I'm still holding onto my childhood. The afternoons are missed where I can just lock my bedroom door and zone out to my Cranberries CD and rockin' out to "Zombie," blocking out the world, and Billy Corgan singing "Today", or listening to Soundgarden, with Cornell's belting out of "Burden in my Hand".

He will truly be missed, My childhood is truly missed.